What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize