Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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