Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
