Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
