Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
