3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
