watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
