I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
