My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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