Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
