Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish my penis had an off switch
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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