i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
