she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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