We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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