Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
