So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
