Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
