Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
