its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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