its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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