I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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