you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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