Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
