In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
