Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
