actually, I'm a sock model
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
FUCK WHALES
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