Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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