And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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