Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
