i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
