Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize