summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
