Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
