babies were throwing up all over the place
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
