just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
