Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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