Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
