I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
