if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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