If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
