theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Still dying that you shit outside
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
