I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
