i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
