I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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