Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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