Will you blow on my dice?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
