she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
