White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
