barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
