Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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