google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
