Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
