im drinking this country out of the recession.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
