She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
