Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
