Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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