Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
