I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
