That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
