new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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