at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
