Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
