I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize