What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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