I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
