My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
