I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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