I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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