apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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