Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
