so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
