im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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