I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
