Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
