I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
