I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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