I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
