1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
