Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So vagazzling was a success
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize