i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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