Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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