he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
