when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
