I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
