oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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