You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
