Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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