We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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