Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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