I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
