They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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