She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
