you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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