Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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