"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
