Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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