so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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