The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
