Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
