Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Holy shit dude........stairs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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