When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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