I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
