hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
