If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize