haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
