I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
