she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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