U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
