I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
